Tznius
I went to this shiur tonight instead of going out with friends. Nice trade off, ey? It actually wasn't a bad shiur and it had some good strong points brought out. The topic was on self esteem and daughters. Interesting topic I must say.
There are those who feel that in order for them to feel better, they live through their children. If their child does well, we feel good. If someone compliments, our self esteem rises and we feel that we are doing a good job. A few other points were discussed and I will try to recall them.
The last comment made there was regarding tznius. A young women who is also a morah relayed a marvelous story. She needed an idea on how to teach tznius to her students as well as to her own daughters (and sons). She came up with a wonderful idea. She got to class, and she took out a diamond and jewelry. She put it on the table. The girls oohed over it but told morah that she needs to put it in a jewelry box to keep it safe. So she did that (she had a small box for such). Then she took out money and left it on the table. Again, the smart girls told her to put it in her wallet to keep it safe. Lastly she took out lollies. The girls then asked where were the wrappers to keep it clean.
The morah went on to explain her activity. "Kinderlach, one day you will iy"h be carrying the kinderlach of Hakodesh Baruch Hu inside of you. You too should be covered up and protected..." Okay...so maybe you needed to hear it from this young women who spoke so softly and gently. She said that whenever she sees a girl sitting with her feet wide apart and not the proper way, she will take out the jewelry/money/candy etc and the girl will quickly cover up. Granted the girl is First grade or Second. But this is something to think about.
Tznius is an important issue. There are really many different aspects to it and we can focus on the good or rant and rave about the negative side of it. If we make our daughters wear socks and they will complain that it is shmoiling, we need to present the concept to them in a good and positive way so she can understand WHY she is being taught this. The word "it is not nice" is a horrible expression to use. Come up with other reasons why you don't want her to wear that tight fitted shirt.
It wasn't about tznius but it got onto that topic. How do we explain tznius to the girls? How do we explain that there are those in our community who differ from us? That question is a tough one to answer and I will not do so. That is not my point.
We need to realize that the world does not respect women for the most part. There is so much out there that degrade women for no good reason other than being female. Think real hard. When in the corporate world, the female must fight her way through the male world to achieve her goal, while she can be making less than her male counterpart. You go to the cleaners and you are paying more to have your female clothing cleaned, along with your female haircut. You also have the other stuff out there that degrade women. We need to take a stand and say NO MORE.
What is really wrong with having a young girl understand that she should cover up? Explain on her level why she is doing so. Don't say women are degraded in this world so we are making a point. With a positive attitude our daughters will understand on their level and accept what is being requested. Now if we have problems with that...that is another story.
My daughter needs to wear socks this summer. I think she did last year, but was young enough not to realize anything. Now, I am sure she will realize that I don't always wear stockings and will go out without socks. How will I explain to her the difference? I am sure I will come up with a creative answer for her, when asked. I will not make a big deal about it nor will I criticize the camps for asking. Is it bad to say that I am not that level right now and for me going without stockings is not so bad? I want my daughter to be better than me. I also want her to know there are different people out there and it doesn't matter how different they are from you, they can still be good people. I will cross that bridge when I get there.
posted by ifuncused at 5/12/2006 12:51:00 AM
6 Comments:
im sorry to tell this to you, but you cannot tell your daughter to wear socks if you yourself dont wear it...ur being so hypocritical...that is so corrupt...
My daughter has not asked me why she has to wear it and I do not. She is used to wearing it and I honestly do not think at this young age she will think differently. I can explain to her that when she gets older she will understand things differently and right now her school says this, and so she would need to understand and accept the rules. She is only in first grade. I know when she is a bit older she will question things, and then I will have to change things. It is not hypocritical of me to tell her that she needs to wear socks because her school says so. Sorry.
It was nice you went to the shiur I wont give you any criticism.
It is not hypocritical of me to tell her that she needs to wear socks because her school says so.
That may be a formula for diregarding authority. You should choose a school whose values match yours more closely.
And talking to 6-7 year olds about tznius in school and mentioning "carrying the kinderlach of Hakodesh Baruch Hu inside of you" (is she Jewish?) and how they hold their legs... this is all totally inappropriate for that age.
1. Tova, I never thought it was you. I know there are many people out there who feel that way. I don't. It would be one thing if I tell her she can do something while the school tells her she cannot. The conversation did not resurface and she has no complaints.
Is there anything wrong for a parent to want more from her children? Is it wrong for a parent to want the child to be a better person?
Am I wrong for NOT setting up internet on the computer for the kids yet I myself go online? Is it wrong for me to not allow them to watch certain movies while, I myself will watch?
Am I not allowed to expect and want my daughter/son(s) to be better than me and try to achieve more and not be so cynical?
Let her live and learn. Let her know that there are many different people out there. Let her see that when she goes to camp there will be some wearing short sleeves and some who will not. But all will have socks on, because that is the rule! Even now when I want her to wear short sleeves she doesn't want to, even if she is hot...so who am I to complain? and why are we so judgemental on others? (meant for all readers even those who dont want to comment
To answer your question about a six year old deciding to wear long sleeves or not..the answer is yes.
On YomTov we were looking for a shirt for my daughter to wear under her dress. She used to wear a sweater over the sleeveles dress but it was too hot for a sweater and could easily get ruined outside playing. I finally found a white t in my sons drawer. It was a size smaller than what I would have bought for her but I made her try it on. At first she didn't want to wear it b/c it was short sleeves. Something to POINT out, I am NOT encouraging her NOT to wear short sleeves. I told she is allowed to wear short sleeves this year and maybe next year we will cover her elbows. We put the shirt on and it happened to come to her elbows (note: boys t' shirts run huge!!) She was happy, though she wanted it longer. I was trying to figure out what was going on. She herself doesn't want to wear short sleeves. SHe doesn't even want her sleeves rolled up. Yes she complained last time that she was hot..but now she isn't.
My opinion it really depends on who her role models are. If her role models are wearing short sleeves and sockless and short skirts then she too will want to dress that way. But if they are dressed apropriately then she will want to follow that style as well. She is following her friends who are older and cannot wear short sleeves. She wants to be like them in that sense. Why point out the obvious that she is 1-2-3 years younger and allowed?? She doesn't want to hear it. Why in heavens name would I push my daughter to wear short sleeves "Just because she can?" The same with why would I encourage my toddler to be mechalel Shabbos "just because he can?"
How are you going teach them the value that they must do so when they are obligated and not a day before?
If your daughter is requesting to cover her elbows WHY are you denying her right to do so? You can tell her that the schools have rules and you have rules but are you making her chose? Are you forcing your opinion onto her? Do you think she is unable to make her own decissions at this age?? IF she is asking, understanding or wanting to be a better person...WHY are you fighting her??
Post a Comment
<< Home