Can a Compliment Hurt Someone Else?
Okay with recent going ons, one important issue was brought up with no one acknowledging it in public. Does a compliment hurt someone else?
I mean when I compliment the person next to me on something, am I insulting the person next to her if I don't say anything? I am not trying to. What I am really trying to do is express my feelings to the person and make them feel good. I am not trying to hurt anyone. If by chance they overhear the compliment they can in tern feel slighted even if the speaker had not noticed that someone was overhearing the statement.
Recently, a friend of mine was complimented on a choice she has made. A group of us where voicing our opinions saying that the choice seems great. Then out of no where someone else decided that by saying that, we were saying that a similar choice she has made once before was wrong and went into a whole diatribe regarding how insulting it was to her judgment. Now, no one was mentioning that this was a better choice while the first option was a horrible idea and how could she have thought of it. What we were saying was plain and simple, "good for you, we are happy with your choice. You seem happy". Where does one come off saying that in reality it is an insult to her first choice??
It bothered me to no end, so I decided to ask a few people of different opinions usually and different genders. Guess what? They shocked me and made me rethink my entire point of view. They both said that yes, complimenting one person can indeed hurt someone else. I was taken aback. I do recall now, learning in high-school, that we should be careful when we do compliment people that we don't hurt someone who might overhear the statement. But at that point in time, I completely forgot and was ready to fight for what I believed in. I fought it. But to share with you what was told that by complimenting one person on her dress, you are without any words insinuating that the next person does not have a nice dress. There in no words...You have hurt someone! Go figure. Is that saying that we are being over sensitive and need to be careful with whatever we say because what we don't say can hurt the next?
I am not sure what I take out of this debate. I do realize that I might have been wrong when I ignored the plight that someone was insulted. I still think that was a hoax and not a real situation. I just feel that the next time I want to compliment someone I will try to make sure that people who over hear the compliment cannot take it the wrong way, or better yet, compliment them as well.
So thank you to those of you who belonged to the independent study that I did. Some don't even read this..Yet they know about it. I will now pass this message on to you dear readers. When complimenting people, be careful. You never know who might get hurt when you pass those nice words along....
I mean when I compliment the person next to me on something, am I insulting the person next to her if I don't say anything? I am not trying to. What I am really trying to do is express my feelings to the person and make them feel good. I am not trying to hurt anyone. If by chance they overhear the compliment they can in tern feel slighted even if the speaker had not noticed that someone was overhearing the statement.
Recently, a friend of mine was complimented on a choice she has made. A group of us where voicing our opinions saying that the choice seems great. Then out of no where someone else decided that by saying that, we were saying that a similar choice she has made once before was wrong and went into a whole diatribe regarding how insulting it was to her judgment. Now, no one was mentioning that this was a better choice while the first option was a horrible idea and how could she have thought of it. What we were saying was plain and simple, "good for you, we are happy with your choice. You seem happy". Where does one come off saying that in reality it is an insult to her first choice??
It bothered me to no end, so I decided to ask a few people of different opinions usually and different genders. Guess what? They shocked me and made me rethink my entire point of view. They both said that yes, complimenting one person can indeed hurt someone else. I was taken aback. I do recall now, learning in high-school, that we should be careful when we do compliment people that we don't hurt someone who might overhear the statement. But at that point in time, I completely forgot and was ready to fight for what I believed in. I fought it. But to share with you what was told that by complimenting one person on her dress, you are without any words insinuating that the next person does not have a nice dress. There in no words...You have hurt someone! Go figure. Is that saying that we are being over sensitive and need to be careful with whatever we say because what we don't say can hurt the next?
I am not sure what I take out of this debate. I do realize that I might have been wrong when I ignored the plight that someone was insulted. I still think that was a hoax and not a real situation. I just feel that the next time I want to compliment someone I will try to make sure that people who over hear the compliment cannot take it the wrong way, or better yet, compliment them as well.
So thank you to those of you who belonged to the independent study that I did. Some don't even read this..Yet they know about it. I will now pass this message on to you dear readers. When complimenting people, be careful. You never know who might get hurt when you pass those nice words along....
posted by ifuncused at 11/08/2004 11:55:00 PM
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